Before you get ready to pull your hair out, just know it is perfectly normal that your child has one – or even several – potty accidents every day in the beginning. In fact, I have read a statistic that kids who have potty trained for six months still have on average one accident a week. See, you are in good company!

We will cover some handy advice how to handle potty accidents in a different post. Today, I want to help you reframe the situation to help you see accidents in a different light, because as your attitude about it changes, your life will get so much easier, and your child will sense this – really!

Do you remember when your precious little one first learned how to walk? He walked a step, or two, or even three – and then he fell. He got back up, walked a little, and fell. He wobbled, probably had the “Frankenstein gait” for a while, fell, got back up…you get the picture. Now, how often did you yell at your child, or even got angry or impatient, when he fell down while he learned how to walk? I bet the answer is “never”.

Learning how to use the potty is exactly the same thing, except it usually takes longer and is more difficult. So look at it this way: your child used the potty – woohoo – that’s just like taking a few steps. Then she had an accident – that’s just like when she fell down. Back up, and let’s do it again. See, it is so similar to when she learned how to walk.

Three accidents, but then pee-pee in the potty. Celebrate the successes! Share into the excitement! It is just like for everything else in life: what you focus on, expands. If you focus on “yet another accident”, you’ll get frustrated and impatient, and your child will only get negative vibes from you – and trust me, that’s not going to make potty training any easier.

But if you focus on the successes, there will be more of them. And your child will be excited to celebrate as long as you are. Every time he goes into the potty – in fact every time he merely sits on it, is a reason for celebration. Celebrate! Praise him. Tell him he did a great job and that you are proud of him, even if it is just for trying.

When he does have an accident, don’t make a big deal out of it. Simply say, “oops, you pee-pee’d into your pants. Let’s just take them off, put on some dry underwear, and then you can try again next time.”

Of course there may be situations when your child is really resistant, could care less about having wet underwear, wants to hear nothing about changing into dry clothes…I know, we have been there, too. And that’s a topic for a different post. But today I really, really want you to understand that an accident means nothing else but “oops, she fell down”, and then she will try again.

Remind yourself of this analogy when your precious child has a potty accident, and you will instantaneously be more loving and patient. Every day we have the opportunity to show our children that we love them unconditionally. Prove it to them, and prove it to yourself. You can do this!

With much appreciation for your journey and commitment,

Marion Solis

Of course you know that it is your responsibility as a parent to show your child how to use the potty, how to know when to go, what to do when she has an accident ….and while those are all true, it is essential that you remember this:

For you as the parent, potty training is about learning how to help and support your child in her quest for independence.

Think about it: Potty training goes way beyond “staying dry”, going to the bathroom in time, recognizing the feeling of needing to go. It really is a gigantic step in your child’s independence. Up until now, she relied on you to keep her clean, to change her diapers. Now she is learning that she can take care of her needs on her own, and this is HUGE.

First and foremost, remember that you are on your child’s side. This is not a fight to see if he will do as you tell him. This is not “him against me” (although sometimes is may feel that way, especially with a very resistant child J). He is learning a new skill, and he absolutely needs you to help him, so be there for him, with lots of love and patience. It’s imperative that you choose to support him so that his self-esteem can soar.

The real job during potty training lays with you – not your child.  When you foster a supportive environment and couple that with lots of praise and encouragement, you will have a child who is eager to go on the potty and will train easily in the long run, even if you hit some bumps in the road along the way.

Sending you lots of love and patience,

Marion Solis

Whether or not your child is ready for potty training right now, there are a number of different activities you can naturally incorporate into your daily lives to introduce the concept. If you have read my story, you know that Julian went to the potty way before he showed any “readiness signs”.

Here are some things you can do:

1. Take them to the bathroom with you and let them watch while you “do your business”. Making simple statements such as “mommy is going pee-pee in the toilet” explains the process and satisfies their natural curiosity. Casually mention “very soon you will go pee-pee in the potty, too, just like mommy and daddy”.
    
       To some parents, this is the most obvious suggestion, but others are very much concerned about their privacy and are horrified by the idea that their child would watch and start asking questions.
    
       If you consider yourself to be in the “I need my privacy” category, think about it this way: you have the opportunity to give your child the gift of growing up with the feeling that going to the bathroom is completely natural and that the elimination process is absolutely normal. You may not have been raised that way, but you can step outside your comfort zone and allow your child to feel okay about her body. 
   
2. Read potty books with them or watch potty videos (there is a list of resources in the Ultimate Potty Training Guide and also in the resources listed below).
   
3. Comment on signs you notice, such as your child’s pausing in play or walking as if she is uncomfortable after elimination. Use statements such as, "You are going poop," rather than asking the general question, "What are you doing?" 
   
4. Here is a tip I got from Ingrid Bauer’s book "Diaper Free", which is really aimed towards infants, but it worked awesome for our son Julian when we first tried it at 13 months: Most kids make a grunting sound when they poop. Imitate their sounds while they are doing their business. When they go pee, make a sound like "ssss". Then when it is later time to go on the real potty, you can use these sounds as a cue for them to go - it worked like a charm for Julian.
   

These are just some things you can start doing today, and they will make potty training much easier when the time comes.

See, you can start today!

Best to you,

Marion Solis

Resources:

The Potty Training Product Resource Guide (FREEEEE!)

Book: 
Ingrid Bauer:
Diaper Free: The Gentle Wisdom of Natural Infant Hygiene
This is not a potty training book for toddlers, but if you are curious how to get around the entire diaper affair from the get-go, check it out!