This question comes up over and over again: “Should I use pull-up’s during potty training?”
 
Here is the deal: Pull-up’s are very convenient – and they will delay potty training for most kids. It makes perfect sense: Pull-up’s are so absorbent that your child doesn’t feel the wetness. It “feels dry”, so why would your toddler want to use the bathroom? It’s really nothing but a diaper that is easy to take on and off, and it gives you the (false) impression that your child is progressing in potty training.
 
I know, I know, the commercials advertise that it trains your child to pull something on and off that looks like underwear. And it makes sense. But underwear feels wet; pull-up’s don’t.
 
Instead of using pull-up’s, I recommend you go straight into using underwear during the day. Use the padded training underwear such as the ones by Luvable Friends. They catch quite a bit of pee, unlike regular undies, while also letting your child clearly know that it is high time to get to the toilet.
 
Get a dozen or two and be prepared to wash frequently in the beginning, but it will save you a ton of time and money in the long run compared to pull-up’s.
 
I completely understand that it may seem more convenient for you as a parent to use the pull-up’s because it is less of a mess. Let me offer you a paradigm shift: celebrate the mess you may encounter in the beginning, because the more mess you have, the faster your child will be potty trained.
 
It won’t take your child long to catch on that wet or dirty underwear is uncomfortable, and sooner than you think you will be on your way to a diaper/pull-up free household.
 
The only times I consider pull-up’s a good alternative are during long car rides when you may not have easy access to a toilet, and during the first few weeks of night-time potty training. However, for the night, you can even consider using training underwear and cover it up with plastic pants, such as Gerber’s waterproof training pants.
 
Otherwise decide to hang in there with padded underwear. It is well worth the brief time of inconvenience – and with the money you are saving, enjoy a nice latte and buy a good book for yourself – after all, you deserve it :).

Make it a great day!
 

Marion Solis

 
P.S.: For more info on the use of pull-up’s versus real underwear, and many other great tips, tricks and insights about potty training your child, check out The Ultimate Potty Training Guide.

I am totally thrilled about the visual makeover of my website and blog. I had the great pleasure to work with Teevee Aguirre (http://design.visuallyverbal.com) to create a brand new look for my site that really reflects how I feel about potty training.

Can you see the excitement of this little boy in the banner, how he looks so proud and happy to be in “big kid’s underwear”? Can you imagine how your child will soon, too, say “woohoo, I’m wearing underwear”?

It’s up to us as parents to create the fun, supportive environment that allows our kids to get excited about their accomplishments. Make potty training fun! Celebrate together, get silly, do whatever it takes to make this an enjoyable experience for all of you.

I recently attended the “Guerilla Business School”, and one of the presenters said “We don’t nearly celebrate enough anymore today.” I think he’s right. So how about we – you and I – change that?

Let’s show our kids that there are tons of reasons to celebrate every day. Show them the picture of the little boy on this website, tell them that they will be this excited very soon, too. Throw your arms in the air right along with them and say “woohoo, you are wearing underwear”!

From a physiological point of view, there is something powerful going on in our bodies when we engage like this. It helps lock in the experience and the learning.

So use that to your advantage, play full out when you celebrate, just like the boy in the picture! Sooner than you might think, your child, too, will say good-bye to diapers for good and be tickled to wear underwear.

By the way, keep an eye out for changes on my website www.EverythingAboutPottyTraining.com. I will soon have a whole new layout – the banner on the top is just the beginning… and yes, there will be pictures of girls, too!

To you and your child celebrating together,

Marion Solis 

P.S.: If you or someone you know needs a great graphic designer, I highly recommend Teevee (http://design.visuallyverbal.com). He is creative, great at what he does, and fun to work with – go check out his website!

Did you know that you child’s hero or favorite character (from a book, movie, TV show etc.) can help her stay dry at night? And it’s easy!

Try to find out the cause behind the regression. It may not be obvious, or you may not directly connect it to the potty accidents. The first thing is to simply ask your child. He just may tell you – as long as he feels safe with you, so make sure you are loving, patient and understanding.

Here are some possible reasons for regression – see if any of these apply:

• Did you move recently?
• Have you changed daycare or started her in a new program?
• Have you had a new baby?
• Did you separate from your partner or do you have a new partner?
• Did anything traumatic happen in your family?
• Is something exciting coming up that she may be looking forward to?

Here is a great article by Elizabeth Pantley, Author of the excellent “No-Cry” series of books, including “The No-Cry Potty Training Solution”. If you feel your child is never going to “get it”, these facts may be exactly what you need to hear right now so you can relax a bit.

Enjoy!

Marion Solis
www.EverythingAboutPottyTraining.com
The Ultimate Potty Training Guide

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Potty training your child shouldn’t require an instruction manual the size of a telephone book, nor should it require a class in toilet training techniques. However, you may be like many other parents who get the idea that this is a complicated, difficult undertaking, and can’t possibly be done with ease. I have good news. As a parent educator and four time veteran of the toilet training process, I know that potty training can be simple, pleasant, and yes, even fun. The first step is to know the facts.

• The perfect age to begin potty training is different for every child. Your child’s best starting age could be anywhere from eighteen to thirty-two months. Pre-potty training preparation can begin when a child is as young as ten months.
• You can begin training at any age, but your child’s biology, skills, and readiness will determine when he can take over his own toileting.
• Teaching your child how to use the toilet can, and should, be as natural as teaching him to build a block tower or use a spoon.
• No matter the age that toilet training begins, most children become physically capable of independent toileting between ages two and a half and four.
• It takes three to twelve months from the start of training to daytime toilet independence. The more readiness skills that a child possesses, the quicker the process will be.
• The age that a child masters toileting has absolutely no correlation to future abilities or intelligence.
• There isn’t only one right way to potty train – any approach you use can work - if you are pleasant, positive and patient. 
• Nighttime dryness is achieved only when a child’s physiology supports this–you can’t rush it.
• A parent’s readiness to train is just as important as a child’s readiness to learn.
• Potty training need not be expensive. A potty chair, a dozen pairs of training pants and a relaxed and pleasant attitude are all that you really need. Anything else is truly optional.
• Most toddlers urinate four to eight times each day, usually about every two hours or so.
• Most toddlers have one or two bowel movements each day, some have three, and others skip a day or two in between movements. In general, each child has a regular pattern.
• More than 80 percent of children experience setbacks in toilet training. This means that what we call “setbacks” are really just the usual path to mastery of toileting.
• Ninety-eight percent of children are completely daytime independent by age four.

When you approach toilet training with knowledge, respect, patience and a plan, it can be as normal and uncomplicated as teaching your child how to walk, talk or use a spoon. Toilet training can be a wonderful learning experience for your toddler and an easy task for you.

 
This article is an excerpt from The No-Cry Potty Training Solution: Gentle Ways to Help Your Child Say Good-Bye to Diapers by Elizabeth Pantley. (McGraw-Hill, 2006) 

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For more great articles and information, check out Elizabeth’s website at www.pantley.com/elizabeth.

Before you get ready to pull your hair out, just know it is perfectly normal that your child has one – or even several – potty accidents every day in the beginning. In fact, I have read a statistic that kids who have potty trained for six months still have on average one accident a week. See, you are in good company!

We will cover some handy advice how to handle potty accidents in a different post. Today, I want to help you reframe the situation to help you see accidents in a different light, because as your attitude about it changes, your life will get so much easier, and your child will sense this – really!

Do you remember when your precious little one first learned how to walk? He walked a step, or two, or even three – and then he fell. He got back up, walked a little, and fell. He wobbled, probably had the “Frankenstein gait” for a while, fell, got back up…you get the picture. Now, how often did you yell at your child, or even got angry or impatient, when he fell down while he learned how to walk? I bet the answer is “never”.

Learning how to use the potty is exactly the same thing, except it usually takes longer and is more difficult. So look at it this way: your child used the potty – woohoo – that’s just like taking a few steps. Then she had an accident – that’s just like when she fell down. Back up, and let’s do it again. See, it is so similar to when she learned how to walk.

Three accidents, but then pee-pee in the potty. Celebrate the successes! Share into the excitement! It is just like for everything else in life: what you focus on, expands. If you focus on “yet another accident”, you’ll get frustrated and impatient, and your child will only get negative vibes from you – and trust me, that’s not going to make potty training any easier.

But if you focus on the successes, there will be more of them. And your child will be excited to celebrate as long as you are. Every time he goes into the potty – in fact every time he merely sits on it, is a reason for celebration. Celebrate! Praise him. Tell him he did a great job and that you are proud of him, even if it is just for trying.

When he does have an accident, don’t make a big deal out of it. Simply say, “oops, you pee-pee’d into your pants. Let’s just take them off, put on some dry underwear, and then you can try again next time.”

Of course there may be situations when your child is really resistant, could care less about having wet underwear, wants to hear nothing about changing into dry clothes…I know, we have been there, too. And that’s a topic for a different post. But today I really, really want you to understand that an accident means nothing else but “oops, she fell down”, and then she will try again.

Remind yourself of this analogy when your precious child has a potty accident, and you will instantaneously be more loving and patient. Every day we have the opportunity to show our children that we love them unconditionally. Prove it to them, and prove it to yourself. You can do this!

With much appreciation for your journey and commitment,

Marion Solis

Of course you know that it is your responsibility as a parent to show your child how to use the potty, how to know when to go, what to do when she has an accident ….and while those are all true, it is essential that you remember this:

For you as the parent, potty training is about learning how to help and support your child in her quest for independence.

Think about it: Potty training goes way beyond “staying dry”, going to the bathroom in time, recognizing the feeling of needing to go. It really is a gigantic step in your child’s independence. Up until now, she relied on you to keep her clean, to change her diapers. Now she is learning that she can take care of her needs on her own, and this is HUGE.

First and foremost, remember that you are on your child’s side. This is not a fight to see if he will do as you tell him. This is not “him against me” (although sometimes is may feel that way, especially with a very resistant child J). He is learning a new skill, and he absolutely needs you to help him, so be there for him, with lots of love and patience. It’s imperative that you choose to support him so that his self-esteem can soar.

The real job during potty training lays with you – not your child.  When you foster a supportive environment and couple that with lots of praise and encouragement, you will have a child who is eager to go on the potty and will train easily in the long run, even if you hit some bumps in the road along the way.

Sending you lots of love and patience,

Marion Solis

Whether or not your child is ready for potty training right now, there are a number of different activities you can naturally incorporate into your daily lives to introduce the concept. If you have read my story, you know that Julian went to the potty way before he showed any “readiness signs”.

Here are some things you can do:

1. Take them to the bathroom with you and let them watch while you “do your business”. Making simple statements such as “mommy is going pee-pee in the toilet” explains the process and satisfies their natural curiosity. Casually mention “very soon you will go pee-pee in the potty, too, just like mommy and daddy”.
    
       To some parents, this is the most obvious suggestion, but others are very much concerned about their privacy and are horrified by the idea that their child would watch and start asking questions.
    
       If you consider yourself to be in the “I need my privacy” category, think about it this way: you have the opportunity to give your child the gift of growing up with the feeling that going to the bathroom is completely natural and that the elimination process is absolutely normal. You may not have been raised that way, but you can step outside your comfort zone and allow your child to feel okay about her body. 
   
2. Read potty books with them or watch potty videos (there is a list of resources in the Ultimate Potty Training Guide and also in the resources listed below).
   
3. Comment on signs you notice, such as your child’s pausing in play or walking as if she is uncomfortable after elimination. Use statements such as, "You are going poop," rather than asking the general question, "What are you doing?" 
   
4. Here is a tip I got from Ingrid Bauer’s book "Diaper Free", which is really aimed towards infants, but it worked awesome for our son Julian when we first tried it at 13 months: Most kids make a grunting sound when they poop. Imitate their sounds while they are doing their business. When they go pee, make a sound like "ssss". Then when it is later time to go on the real potty, you can use these sounds as a cue for them to go - it worked like a charm for Julian.
   

These are just some things you can start doing today, and they will make potty training much easier when the time comes.

See, you can start today!

Best to you,

Marion Solis

Resources:

The Potty Training Product Resource Guide (FREEEEE!)

Book: 
Ingrid Bauer:
Diaper Free: The Gentle Wisdom of Natural Infant Hygiene
This is not a potty training book for toddlers, but if you are curious how to get around the entire diaper affair from the get-go, check it out!

Let’s face it: you can know the best potty training tips and tricks in the world - if your child isn’t ready, it just isn’t going to happen.

Are you curious if your child is ready?

Take this quick quiz created by Elizabeth Pantley, author of a series of awesome books, including “The No-Cry Potty Training Solution”, and find out within minutes!

The No-Cry Potty Training Solution
Gentle Ways to Help Your Child Say Good-Bye to Diapers 

The Potty Training Readiness Quiz

Potty training is easier and happens faster if your child is truly ready in all three areas: physical, cognitive and social. But the big question is: how do you know when your child is ready?

If you have never traveled this road before, you likely don’t even know what signs to look for. Take this quiz to find out where your child is on the readiness spectrum.

1. I can tell by watching that my child is wetting or 
   filling his diaper:

a. Never.
b. Sometimes.
c. Usually.
 

2. My toddler’s diaper needs to be changed:

a. Frequently, every hour or two.
b. It varies.
c. Every two to three hours–sometimes 
    less frequently.
 

3. My child understands the meaning of wet, dry, 
    clean, wash, sit, and go:

a. No.
b. Some of them.
c. Yes.
 

4. When my child communicates her needs, she:

a. Says or signs a few basic words and I guess 
    the rest.
b. Gets her essential points across to me.
c. Has a good vocabulary and talks to me in 
   sentences.
 

5. If I give my child a simple direction, such as, 
    "put this in the toy box," she:

a. Doesn’t understand or doesn’t follow directions.
b. Will do it if I coach or help her.
c. Understands me and does it.
 

6. My child can take his pants off and put them on:

a. No.
b. With help he can.
c. Yes.
 

7. When I read a book to my child, he:

a. He ignores me.
b. Sometimes listens, sometimes wanders off.
c. Sits, listens and enjoys the story.
 

8. My toddler wants to do things “all by myself”:

a. Never.
b. Sometimes.
c. All the time!
 

9. I think that it’s the right time to begin potty 
    training:

a. No.
b. I’m undecided.
c. Yes.
 

Total the number of responses for each letter:

a. __________
b. __________
c. __________
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Most answers are a:
Wait. Your little one doesn’t seem to be ready just yet. Test again in a month or two.

Most answers are b:
Time for pre-potty training–get ready!
Your child is not quite ready for active training, but you can take many steps to prepare your toddler for the future. Gradual introduction of terms and ideas will make potty training easier when the time comes.

Most answers are c:
Your toddler is ready to use the potty!
It’s time to start your potty training adventure. Good luck, and have fun!

Are you between two scores?
Just like any parenting situation, there are choices to make. If your child is hovering between two categories, it’s time to put your intuition to good use. Your knowledge of your own child can direct you toward the right plan of action.

Excerpted with permission by McGraw-Hill Publishing from 
The No-Cry Potty Training Solution (McGraw-Hill 2006).